Why am I Single?
This might be the most pathetic blog post ever written. This is not some post to justify whether being single is awesome and gives you more freedom. Even though that idea have popped over my head about a thousand times and I might eventually end up writing a blog post about that as well. But this is more of a post to keep a record about my feelings at this moment of time.
Why this moment you ask? Well cause I just graduated and got more or less a good job. As engineer and with all the social norms and behavior trends this is the perfect time for me to get married. Cause why not ? Getting married being miserable about job life and getting a stable life is the most normal thing to do.
Scared of Future
Oh well ,I may just have explained the first point of why am I single. Cause I am too scared of what lies ahead . But is it wrong? Because I don’t think my life should be over just because I have achieved few things by society standards. And truth is I haven’t.They will still get onto my nerve’s to get better job (get government job/get 6 digit salary blah blah). In that way everyone is uncertain about the future. So do I get stuck only for that problem? No! The answer is I want to be a in position where I have more or less satisfaction about my job and I can see myself in a proud position in future. But the problem is when you don’t even know what you exactly want to be . But I am sure it is not being stuck in a same old boring job for the rest of my life. There is nothing wrong being passionate about one thing but being about to do something new and creative seems the only the only thing that I want to pursue. Maybe starting jobs such as disney imagineer, or some research group such as MIT media Lab or some creative application development or just becoming a youtuber who makes tutorials (Like Dan Shiffman) always seems a better option to me than getting stable job. Becoming entrepreneur who are working to make our lives easier or specially the such ones who does social business are also very tempting.
— See here I go again thinking about my future too much. May be lot of people around me are not thinking about that sort of job. And even I don’t have enough grades nor the good enough skills to get that .But without even trying how can I even think of even settling down?
Schrodinger’s Girl ??
Okay now here is the second question I probably don’t have to get married immediately and there is nothing stopping me to date someone or have some sort of relationship. But if I am not thinking of settling down eventually what is the point of getting emotionally involved with someone in the first place?But I do have to know someone. But I am scared to death over how to confront a girl. But the biggest question is I how do I know if the girl that I like or have a crush on is actually my type? So this particular problem may be explained in three clauses. 1. Is she actually my type and is she willing to see the same dreams that I am dreaming? 2. If so how do I confront to her? 3. And what happens if everything does not happen in the way I thought it would turn out and if so then what was the point of getting involved and starting these in the first place. Yes I may be overthinking and this is my problem . So considering these cases probability of me going out with a girl having normal relationship exists and don’t exist both at the same time. As girls can often be described as really mysterious,so their position or momentum about things can be very unpredictable . Even if the same rules applies for other people I find it very disturbing to take life decision based on stuff which may even be more messed up than Schrodinger's cat.
Not Romantic Enough?
Well this may really be true.Its not that I am opposed to idea of love . But I do sometimes consider the modern arrangements and ideas that come after love is really superficial and is highly influenced by media. Grand weddings ,social media presence and trends to show how to express love often seems really superficial. Even though even I do love some movies and romantic gestures very cute appealing. If I were to write a romantic novel I would also express love as really powerful force and that way(But the thing is I wouldn’t and you probably get the idea). And for as a fan of literature and arts the idea of love often seems very appealing and beautiful. I would not go far as to call myself hopeless romantic or whatever cute definitions urban dictionary gives you to explain something utterly worthless. But to explain in short I may not like some new trends but I am not opposed to the idea of love and such gestures. So in this particular case I don’t consider it being a problem. An hey If I am actually writing a blog about love stuff how un-romantic can I be?
History of Love
Well I am not also very fan of the history of love either. Cause if you know about some historical facts or probably just saw the video by School of Life you might already know that the modern concept of love and dating is very new. Arranged marriage was the only way of creating family and modern dating is very new. Even though novels and poetry and such paved the way for modern ways of relationship specially in other parts of the world, in my country the idea of arranged marriage is still very dominant. But as I said I do find few ideas of love very likable. And so arranged marriage do not seem romantic at all. The idea is not completely flawed because as the partners are chosen by cross validating different socio-economic status .So this idea continued to be successful even now. But here is the problem -I am not sure if the people who will be fixing up my life partner for me actually knows me. And again the fear of getting involved with someone that I don’t know at all is always there. So yeah being respectful to history and tradition is good and all . But this may be the worst possible way to find someone. But then again its not like I am finding someone anyway.
Fear of Conversations
Starting a conversation was not always a problem. If you want to start a conversation about science , books ,movies ,comics and few other topics I am all for it. And even when it comes to starting normal conversation for jobs and places I found that starting with some key topics and dissecting few key behaviors always works. In this particular cases books did help to solve real life problems. And its not that I have problems communicating with females. I talk with my sisters and friends easily and without any problems. But its when starting conversation if I think I have a crush on her. Well I also really don’t have really good female friends either. I am pretty sure many of them find me really weird. But see this is the problem I don’t usually find talking to women very easy other than the people that I know. And there even if I were to start conversation with friends in a way that would be considered dating may also lose the relationship with them in the first place. And I don’t think ruining the relationship in such way is very appealing.So finding someone that I like starting conversation with them and continuing it may be the toughest job in the universe.
Overthinking
This might just be the biggest of my problems. Cause let’s face it I am willing to go so far as to write an entire blog and putting so much time into thinking about love and such stuff but still not actually trying to do it. I am all for thinking about my future, to her type and her future to even thinking about 10 years past that. Again I even thought about the conversation that might even jeopardize my the entire construct of relationship that haven’t even taken place yet. But I am still unable to actually do something about anything that gets me into a good relationship.
In short even though this might again fall into the problems of arrange stuff or overthinking but do suggest me someone or at least some book to help me get rid of my problems . :3
